grumpblog 3

rare and inspirational thoughts from the brain at the top of the cane

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Your comments to GrumpBlog are encouraged. Messages to: thegrumpygourmet@wowway.com

16MAR04
Free consulting advice

Columbus-based restaurant consultant Robert Welcher recently opted to dine in an alleged fine dining venue that had recently undergone an ownership change. He wasn't looking for a new client, merely explaining that he and friend just wanted to have dinner and a change of scenery in his home town.

Upon entering the foyer they were met by a server who was handing out menus. The server, entering the 120-seat dining room, inquired: "Where would you like to sit?"

Welcher, doing a quick take of the empty vastness, said. "With people."

The server: "That's gonna be a little difficult."

12MAR04
Grist for Jay Leno

Davie County in North Carolina made the news when it was learned two Wendy's employees were bathing in the restaurant's pots and pans sink. They were busted when they took pictures of themselves and tried to have them developed. That's when the one-hour outfit called health officials.

No arrests were made, but Wendy's is forever in Jay Leno's standup act. Leno said first he didn't know Wendy's had dishes to wash. Then he advised his audience to avoid the chili for a few days.

Suggestion: The Columbus-based fast fooder should send Mr. Wendy down to Advance, N. C., to shoot a commercial. Have your TiVo at the ready. Mr. Wendy in Speedo?

08FEB04
This just had to happen

The headline in Nation's Restaurant News: Halliburton takes heat for 'dirty' foodservice in Iraq. Halliburton, already besieged for having a batch of no-bid contracts worth $1.7 billion to rebuild Iraq, now has to contend against charges of supplying "dirty" food and water to the USA troops. The trade magazine says Halliburton "reportedly has been earning more than $3 million per day for feeding nearly 100,000 troops there (Iraq) since last May."

An NBC report quoted Pentagon sources for lapses in four mess halls. The charges: Blood all over the floor; dirty salad bars; and rotting meats. Water trucked in was "poor quality drinking water" supposedly resulting when a Halliburton subcontractor delivered water in a "noncertified tanker" that did not meet Army standards.

In summation, an indented boldfaced box in the story told it plainly: "Halliburton for all of its far-ranging expertise in finding and harnessing oil, appeared to be outside of its element when it came to feeding U. S. troops in Iraq."

The food contract is worth $61 million for Halliburton.

02FEB04
This from the Gary Durtschi intelligence file, one with all the questions, but no answers: Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

30JAN04
Moral: Forget going to the source. Stick to Red Lobster.

Click on Fisherman, left, to see to see why.

24JAN04
In my effort to help Budweiser change its image from red neck to urban, here's a golden opportunity to bag the tattoo set. Amanda Rudder, 18, busted on a Key West beach for underage drinking, had her beer can confiscated as evidence. Just try to picture Rudder's mug shot on a can of Bud Light.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/tatface1.html

23JAN04
So, let's all go back to Richard Simmons and drop weight intelligently. New York's mayor Bloomberg thinks Dr. Robert Atkins is phony. The mayor questions circumstances of the doc's death - officially listed as "blunt impact to the head" while slipping on an icy NYC street.

The mayor in recorded comments at a Brooklyn firehouse was a bit blunt himself. About the alleged fall, he said, "I don't believe that bullshit that Atkins dropped dead slipping on the sidewalk." He called Atkins "fat" and said he served "inedible" food at his Hamptons home when the mayor visited. He went on to infer that Atkins was actually felled by his own meat-heavy diet, that his arteries were clogged with beef drippings.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/bloombergatkins1.html

20JAN04
The Grumpy Gourmet's first lesson in writing about French cuisine came from a very honest waiter. In New York, snowed in two days after the blizzard of 1947, the Grump mushed his way to Sardi's from the Edison Hotel just off Times Square. The show biz restaurant was packed with Broadway celebrities from nearby closed stage shows. Seated alone under the caricature of Eddie Cantor, he was served by Mr. Koppel - full name long since forgotten. The Grump studied the menu and then asked Mr. Koppell. "Steak Tartare...just what is that?"

Mr. Koppel paused, then glanced around to see if the maitre d' was nearby. "That's raw meat...you shouldn't have it...its full of worms."

The Grump has passed on that delight all these years...always making a silent toast to Mr. Koppel. (PK)

18JAN04
The starvation diet: It must work. James Brown, born into poverty 70 years ago, still dances to the original moonwalk..."I Feel Good." When asked, he describes his version of three squares a day. "Oatmeal, no meal and missed meal."

15JAN04
Safe At The Plate: Today's contribution...

A ban on tripas, a savory dish enjoyed across South Texas, went into effect today, according to a spokesman for the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

Tripas, which come from the small intestine of a cow, was declared a high-risk meat by the Agriculture Department, following the first discovery last month of mad cow disease in the country.

The USDA announced the ban two weeks ago, but it had to be published in the Federal Register before it could go into effect Ч a process that usually takes many weeks.

"This was on a fast track," said Matt Baun, a USDA spokesman. "Our time frame all along was as soon as possible." As of today, no USDA-approved slaughterhouses would be producing tripas. Restaurants that had received the meat before today could sell their supply, Baun said.

The tripas ban is part of the USDA's aggressive campaign to deal with the case of mad cow disease in the Northwest, which was reported Dec. 9.

Other cow parts affected are the spinal cord. In addition, cow brains, tonsils and eyeballs, can only be sold for meat if the parts came from a cow less than 30 months old.
By Amy Dorsett Express-News Staff Writer

14JAN04
My day after a hard night.

12JAN04
Restaurants and food have a huge role every four years when Iowa caucuses. This 2004 outing has set records for the numbers of reporters covering the Democratic gang-bang. (No GOP in evidence.) Food draws media with expense accounts. Des Moines Register political columnist, David Yepsen, the gent all networks draw on for expert commentary, writes of "good spots for political people to do what they love to do - talk."

David Yepsen goes on to explain Iowa food: "For openers, we should remind our guests that this is Iowa, where the three basic food groups are salt, fat and sugar, generally consumed during a conversation about the weather. You are in the land of breaded pork tenderloins, Crock Pots, Velveeta, Lil Smokies and hot roast beef sandwiches."

ааа To those party faithful campaigning from out-of-Iowa for their favorite candidate, Yepsen has a suggestion for anyone wanting seafood: "then go campaign for somebody in New Hampshire."
(Contributed by long retired Associated Press telegrapher Eddie Kintzer who attends the Democratic caucus.)

GRUMP ADDENDUM: When I had a fleeting association with the Iowa caucuses, Des Moines was one of my favorite "steak destinations." The city then and now is a red meat and potatoes kind of place. My original Top 100 USA list of favorite restaurants in the 1970s and 1980s always included Guido's in the Savery Hotel. Chef and owner Guido Fenu is one of the few chefs in my world who could personalize a slab of beef. I would call him when making a reservation and ask if he could save an "end cut" of his roast beef. At dinner, Fenuаwould roll out his side of beef on a wheeled silver cart. There reposing in the natural juices would be my end cut. As I understand it this 2004, Guido's is out of business and unavailable to all the new generational reporters in Des Moines. Sad, at least for those functioning on Lil Smokies.

07JAN04
Oprah Winfrey should sue.а I want her to give the cattle industry at least one full year of financial and court room grief.

As a plaintiff Oprah should look at her suit as pay back time. The lady suffered emotionally and financially last decade when those corporate hamburger helpers, the National Cattlemen's Beef Association - mostly a Texas-based bunch - sued her for daring to question the healthy aspects of red meat, actually hamburgers as I recall.аааа

The cow industry is now trying to put a good spin on mad cow disease. Want that technically? Bovine spongiform encephalopathy.

Whether or not mad cow is knocking at the restaurant doors is beside the point. I want Oprah to lead the fight to find out how the public is being duped by an administration that puts foxes in charge of hen houses. Let me count Oprah's defendants. Start with Ann Veneman, boss of Bush's version of the U. S. Department of Agriculture. Subpoena the lady and question her as to how many years she spent as paid flack for beef barons.

Oprah, summon Veneman's departmental flack, Alisa Harrison. She huckstered for the big beefers that sued you in beef-plaintiff safe Amarillo, Texas. Harrison almost daily in this cold January-to-date is issuing statements about American beef being safe for the world. Oprah, your attorneys in court with you sitting at the plaintiff's table for a change, could get the public's attention. Win or lose, we would get some immediate truth as to beef safety.

Fact: Harrison moved from cattlemen's lobbyist to the USDA payroll. Fact: Veneman's USDA today has another former cattle club staff member, Dale Moore, on the Bush-USDA payroll. How can that be?

Oprah, get even in the public interest. Get it on public record as to why such an important industry is totally dominated by the industry it is supposed to regulate. As for me, Uncle Sam's protection of those ailing downer cattle is a real downer.

Oprah, if you go for it, I hope you get a jury made up of PETA advocates.аааааа

Evolving....stay logged on...

06JAN04
A new trend in stickups: Be able to distinguish between weapons such as a power drill and a shotgun.

In a bizarre bail-bonding ritual, a Missouri man and his son were busted Monday after allegedly trying to stick up a Pizza Hut. The weapon of choice for George Stroble, 63, and his son Donald, 32? A cordless Black & Decker drill that Donald had tucked under his jacket, according to cops in Independence. Pizza Hut worker Willard Paxman told police that the younger Stroble announced, "I'm not playing. I've got a gun." Remarkably, Stroble did not add, "One false move and I'll drill you." The Strobles, seen in police booking photos, are facing felony robbery charges and, if convicted, could face a maximum of 15 years in jail. ...The Smoking Gun

05JAN04
A model for restaurant reviewing/writing: John Mariani. Unlike Mobil Guide "inspectors," there is one restaurant reviewer who roams the nation in search of interesting food and restaurant subjects. For a lesson in such, log on to my links page and click on Mariani www.grumpygourmetusa.com/links.html.

Mariani's Virtual Gourmet newsletter is updated weekly. While based in New York City, the gent travels. His newsletter updates cover the gossip of the reviewing business, new dishes introduced in restaurants he visits, food celebrations around the country...and in general the changing culinary fabric of the United States.

02JAN04
My lesson in GrumpBlog writing:а I have unique assistance in keeping the engine of this Web site functioning. He's Philip Vaughn, the good kind of geek who makes computers sing. His second hobby is policing (editing) every paragraph that appears herein. Since this year's primary health topic will be obesity, both of us are alert to related stories.

We are looking for items and pictures for the Fat Nation button on this Web site. Enter Men's Fitness magazine, a publication with one gimmick: Ranking fat cities. Columbus always has made the list, this year listed as No. 10 among the fattest. I don't believe it. I question methodology which, says the mag, considers the number of health clubs in a city and the number of fast food outfits (ice cream and doughnut shops included) per capita. That's crazy. Nuts. Dumb. Oh, but it ropes in readers and television fitness reporters. Such mindless stories are geared to those people who believe anything that appears in print - or the Matt Drudge follower.

But, back to Webmiester Vaughn. This date he emailed me excerpts of the magazine's anointment of Fat City (Detroit) Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick as head of the nation's 2004 fattest city. The mayor, a former college football lineman weighing around 300 pounds with a 6-foot-4 frame, says Detroit is understandably fat. Detroit is the automotive capital of the world. No one walks in Detroit. Everyone walks from house to car or to a bus.

Vaughn's GrumpBlog editorial lesson for today: "To turn this into a GrumpBlog you should make some wise ass comment about the mayor of Detroit, not write some thought-provoking article on the amount of bacon served in Detroit. Think Jay Leno, not Julia Child."

07DEC03
Tennessee Squires is the kind of good-folks collective appreciated by the Grumpy Gourmet. He was accepted into the august group of Tennessee Squires, all moderate sour mash consumers, when he mentioned Jack Daniels in a New York Times op-ed essay moons ago. At the time it was the policy that people who brought public notice to Jack Daniels were awarded a splash of real estate near Lynchburg, Tennessee. The Grump (Doral Chenoweth) for all these pleasant years has owned Plot No. 894f - just a rock throw from his neighbor, Frank Sinatra. Frank was given his plot when he told his audiences at Caesar's Palace that his stage coffee cup really held the "nectar of those Tennessee gods."

The moral of this story: If writing about alcoholic beverages and whiskey is involved, never suggest blended whiskey. Blended translates into adulterated. Bad. Bad.

1NOV03
Today's pre-Thanksgiving advisory for Fat Nation. Enjoy.

The four worst things to avoid for fatties: three square meals daily and Thanksgiving dinner.

23SEP03
When dinner guests come calling in Florida...

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